J is for Jokes...

The worlds BEST Joke.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
.........
........
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An Egg.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA

Ok so its funny for many reasons:

1) its a joke and if you don't want to get piles you should always laugh at jokes
2) Laughter releases Serotonin which is a Neurotransmitter in your brain and it makes you feel happy, its effectively your happy hormone (Released after you eat chocolate too but in a short burst)
3) Picture a chicken dressed as a shell right now....its HILARIOUS!
4) In my first year at uni we arranged a Housemate Christmas day - we had presents, the Roast Turkey with all the trimmings, each of us took it in turns to be the drunk Aunt and amongst all this we even had Christmas Crackers. Said Christmas Crackers were a pack of 12 bought from £1 land so this will paint the scene for their quality, the paper hats were intact, the toy a small plastic thing....unrecognisable as anything but still there was a toy, then there was the JOKE. One house mate read the above joke, we laughed (the alcohol possibly helped), the second housemate began their joke....what do you call a chicken in a shell suit? No idea? Why it's an egg silly people! And this happened 6 times.
5) Even after hearing it 6 times and finding it to be a mighty hysterical joke I still managed to tell it wrong the very next time I tried with a What do you call an Egg in a Shell suit....oh dear!

Anyway this is my favourite joke - obviously I am open to suggestions about other jokes which you may find funny so please comment and let me hear them all! If a better joke is found I shall write a retraction and name one of you the funniest joke tell of all time....bring it team!

Make. Me. Laugh. xxxxx

K is for Kipper

Kipper is one of my favourite words after Flapjack and Face-ache. I know you are re-evaluating your favourite words right now because I've wowed you with mine. It's OK don't feel bad I'm kind of awesome like that :)

So Kipper. Kipper is a good word for 3 reasons.

1) Its actual meaning; Kipper is a whole herring, a small oily fish that's actually quite nice and tasty.
2) There was a children's book called Biff, Chip and someone and the dog was called Kipper - they had a magic key! These are my earliest childhood memories and they are such happy ones!
3) There was an advert one time where a man hung out of a car and hit a pedestrian with a large wet fish. It was hilarious and I like to imagine the fish was a kipper. (Disclaimer: I don't know if it was a Kipper but please never tell me if you find out it wasn't....don't shatter the dream!).

This is why Kipper is my 3rd favourite word. You are now all enlightened and I leave you to enjoy your day! Bye xxx

L is for LOVEFILM!

...and I do LOVEFILM!

Ok so this is an awesome website and idea and just general thing!

For those of you that don't know LOVEFILM.COM is website that you can sign up to a rent films. This is in no way, shape or form a sales pitch because I don't know everything about it but I do know I think it rocks.

You have to become a member and you pay like £20 ish a month and rent 3 films at a time - once watched you send them back and get the next lot. Theres games and blu-ray and box sets for tv and just everything its wicked! I thought this would be a cool L blog because I get to talk about the films I have rented and give you my opinions on them so here goes:

(NB: I have only been a member for 2 months as my friend gave me a free 2 month trial - quality...this does feel a tad like a sales pitch...my bad!)

OK recently I've seen:

Win Win - an odd little film - gives me the same kind of vibe as I got from Juno. Its about an attorney and part-time wrestling coach who schemes to keep his practice from going under by acting as the legal caretaker of an elderly client. He thinks he has discovered the perfect loophole to keep his practice in business. But his brilliant plan hits an unexpected hitch when his client's troubled grandson shows up! Solid film and I love the grandson, I do not love the wrestling outfits!

Into The Wild - story about a top American grad student Christopher McCandless who gives up everything in order to become one with the world. He travels to Alaska meeting lots of people on the way who shape his life. He lives in the wild and it is his story. For me this is a cool film, interesting as it is based on a true story - very thought provoking but sad too.

Dolphin Tale - if you liked flipper and free willy which, I of course did, you will LOVE this! Inspired by an amazing true story "Dolphin Tale" is a film about "Winter", a rescued dolphin who has lost her tail in a crab trap, and Sawyer, the 11-year old boy who helps save her life. He saves Winter by convincing a pioneering doctor, Morgan Freeman (legend), to create a brand new artificial tale. I love this film and I love that it is based on a true story and I love that the real star is "Winter", who plays herself in the film, and today serves as a symbol of courage, perseverance and hope to millions of people. Don't be thinking I'm all cheesy because this film will make you squeal.
This is the real Winter: http://www.seewinter.com/winter/media/webcam-3

50/50 - Adam is a 27 year old writer of radio programs and is diagnosed with a rare form of spinal cancer. With the help of his best friend, Seth Rogan, his mother, and a young therapist at the cancer centre, Adam learns what and who the most important things in his life are. Sweet, heartfelt and kind of fun!

The Kings Speech - Colin Firth movie. Quality already. It's based on the true story of King George VI, "The King's Speech" follows the Monarch's quest to find his voice as he has a terrible stutter. He works with an unorthodox Australian Speech Therapist and learns more than just how to speak again. I adore this film it is complete class and definitely deserved all those awards and nominations it got. Everyone is brilliant in it and you should all go see it!

The Way - another great film starring Martin Sheen. Its about an American who flies to France to collect the ashes of his deceased young son who was backpacking along 'The Way' - the famous spiritual walk through the Pyrenees. I love this film! It's beautifully shot, powerful, tender, just the right amount of funny and the cast is just perfect. I genuinely believed Martin Sheens portrayal of a grief stricken father and loved his journey through that. Stunning film!

Hangover 2 - the film that follows the Hangover 1. It's about 4 guys who fly out to see their friend get married in Thailand and a hilarious drunken, drugged up bachelor party follows - the film is shown through flash backs as the foursome trek back and try and make their way to the wedding. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE FILM OF THE YEAR! It's hilarious, it reminds me of travelling, its oddly culturally spot on if not but in a tongue in cheek way!

Friends with Benefits - Good easy watch, Ashten Kutcher. The Rum Diaries - Solid but actually nothing to write home about! My Week with Marilyn - nice, plain, alright really. Contagion - lots of stars in this and it was ok, scary idea but I wasn't too bother about it. Fighter - boxing drama with Christian Bale in it...he is not attractive in anyway in this film! Rise of the Planet of the Apes - I feel no need to explain what this is about, kind of in the title there! This film kind of bored me, guess its cool if you like smart monkeys. Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol - Good but not as good as the original. Ides of March - I liked this kind of an observation on human nature and how people can be changed by what happens around them.

I have also seen Wild At Heart Season 1: the cheesy, cheesy drama soap style show about an English Vet who moves to Africa with his family and encounters many dangers that are always resolved completely and ridiculously in the last 5 minutes. Miranda series 2 - hilarious! ER Series 7-9 - heartbreaking but it has Alex Kingston in it who is River Song from Doctor Who and that makes it infinitely cool! And finally Firefly - the highly talked about Sy-fy series with Nathan Fillian in it. It's cool as.

So this all makes it sound like I never go out...I do yesterday I went bowling...I swear!

Anyway thanks for ready L. See you tomorrow for K baby :) xxxxxxxx

***BLOG OF APOLOGY*** (Nb: BT Suck)

This is a note to apologise for not being here...I feel I have failed all of you and I could not be more sorry!!!

I had no broadband for a very long time and the wi-fi at work wouldn't allow me to access my blog - OH NO! And a lot of WOE IS ME's later I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET AGAIN! Anyway I wanted to name and shame the company who has ruined my life (no exaggeration) because while I was unable to blog I was also unable to complete a YouTube challenge I was set....(view link and all subsequent videos for a little bit of extra joy in your life...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxVZy3BGIq8&feature=relmfu Let the challenges begin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrnItQcuQtM The cinnamon challenge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ5d5LHOHT8 The Cheese rap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9klTt1iXmo&feature=relmfu Friends attempting the cinnamon challenge take 2.

Anyway yes so BT was the company and let me tell you a little bit about said company: (I am using only the facts and you can make your own inferences as to what you think of them as a company):

1) Myself, my mum and my dad called BT a total of 44 times.
2) We were without Internet including wi-fi for 4 weeks and 4 days until a technological family friend came by and worked for 3 hours to fix it for us.
3) All calls to BT reached their call centres in India and all by 1 call lasted over an hour.
4) This 1 call which did not last an hour lasted only 3 minutes 52 seconds where one of BT's employees told my mum that he did not want to speak to her and that he would wait until my dad returned home and talk to him. When my mum asked if he was refusing to talk to her because she was a woman he replied. Yes and wished her a good day and ended the call. We have made a complaint.
5) BT have not responded to any one of us.
6) We do now have wi-fi on our laptops but no real movement with the Internet on our main computer.
7) Virgin Media will very shortly have a new customer and we appreciate their offer of a technician coming out to personally help us. I find local technicians more helpful because I get to see them face-to-face.
8) BT Suck arse.

Ok that's all so I shall restart my Z-A blog I believe we got to L....I realise this is technically cheating but I want to complete the challenge for my own piece of mind!

Well love you all hope there's still some of you out there to love...xxx