Friday 8 June 2012

J is for Jokes...

The worlds BEST Joke.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
.........
........
........
An Egg.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA

Ok so its funny for many reasons:

1) its a joke and if you don't want to get piles you should always laugh at jokes
2) Laughter releases Serotonin which is a Neurotransmitter in your brain and it makes you feel happy, its effectively your happy hormone (Released after you eat chocolate too but in a short burst)
3) Picture a chicken dressed as a shell right now....its HILARIOUS!
4) In my first year at uni we arranged a Housemate Christmas day - we had presents, the Roast Turkey with all the trimmings, each of us took it in turns to be the drunk Aunt and amongst all this we even had Christmas Crackers. Said Christmas Crackers were a pack of 12 bought from £1 land so this will paint the scene for their quality, the paper hats were intact, the toy a small plastic thing....unrecognisable as anything but still there was a toy, then there was the JOKE. One house mate read the above joke, we laughed (the alcohol possibly helped), the second housemate began their joke....what do you call a chicken in a shell suit? No idea? Why it's an egg silly people! And this happened 6 times.
5) Even after hearing it 6 times and finding it to be a mighty hysterical joke I still managed to tell it wrong the very next time I tried with a What do you call an Egg in a Shell suit....oh dear!

Anyway this is my favourite joke - obviously I am open to suggestions about other jokes which you may find funny so please comment and let me hear them all! If a better joke is found I shall write a retraction and name one of you the funniest joke tell of all time....bring it team!

Make. Me. Laugh. xxxxx

Thursday 7 June 2012

K is for Kipper

Kipper is one of my favourite words after Flapjack and Face-ache. I know you are re-evaluating your favourite words right now because I've wowed you with mine. It's OK don't feel bad I'm kind of awesome like that :)

So Kipper. Kipper is a good word for 3 reasons.

1) Its actual meaning; Kipper is a whole herring, a small oily fish that's actually quite nice and tasty.
2) There was a children's book called Biff, Chip and someone and the dog was called Kipper - they had a magic key! These are my earliest childhood memories and they are such happy ones!
3) There was an advert one time where a man hung out of a car and hit a pedestrian with a large wet fish. It was hilarious and I like to imagine the fish was a kipper. (Disclaimer: I don't know if it was a Kipper but please never tell me if you find out it wasn't....don't shatter the dream!).

This is why Kipper is my 3rd favourite word. You are now all enlightened and I leave you to enjoy your day! Bye xxx

Wednesday 6 June 2012

L is for LOVEFILM!



...and I do LOVEFILM!

Ok so this is an awesome website and idea and just general thing!

For those of you that don't know LOVEFILM.COM is website that you can sign up to a rent films. This is in no way, shape or form a sales pitch because I don't know everything about it but I do know I think it rocks.

You have to become a member and you pay like £20 ish a month and rent 3 films at a time - once watched you send them back and get the next lot. Theres games and blu-ray and box sets for tv and just everything its wicked! I thought this would be a cool L blog because I get to talk about the films I have rented and give you my opinions on them so here goes:

(NB: I have only been a member for 2 months as my friend gave me a free 2 month trial - quality...this does feel a tad like a sales pitch...my bad!)

OK recently I've seen:

Win Win - an odd little film - gives me the same kind of vibe as I got from Juno. Its about an attorney and part-time wrestling coach who schemes to keep his practice from going under by acting as the legal caretaker of an elderly client. He thinks he has discovered the perfect loophole to keep his practice in business. But his brilliant plan hits an unexpected hitch when his client's troubled grandson shows up! Solid film and I love the grandson, I do not love the wrestling outfits!

Into The Wild - story about a top American grad student Christopher McCandless who gives up everything in order to become one with the world. He travels to Alaska meeting lots of people on the way who shape his life. He lives in the wild and it is his story. For me this is a cool film, interesting as it is based on a true story - very thought provoking but sad too.

Dolphin Tale - if you liked flipper and free willy which, I of course did, you will LOVE this! Inspired by an amazing true story "Dolphin Tale" is a film about "Winter", a rescued dolphin who has lost her tail in a crab trap, and Sawyer, the 11-year old boy who helps save her life. He saves Winter by convincing a pioneering doctor, Morgan Freeman (legend), to create a brand new artificial tale. I love this film and I love that it is based on a true story and I love that the real star is "Winter", who plays herself in the film, and today serves as a symbol of courage, perseverance and hope to millions of people. Don't be thinking I'm all cheesy because this film will make you squeal.
This is the real Winter: http://www.seewinter.com/winter/media/webcam-3

50/50 - Adam is a 27 year old writer of radio programs and is diagnosed with a rare form of spinal cancer. With the help of his best friend, Seth Rogan, his mother, and a young therapist at the cancer centre, Adam learns what and who the most important things in his life are. Sweet, heartfelt and kind of fun!

The Kings Speech - Colin Firth movie. Quality already. It's based on the true story of King George VI, "The King's Speech" follows the Monarch's quest to find his voice as he has a terrible stutter. He works with an unorthodox Australian Speech Therapist and learns more than just how to speak again. I adore this film it is complete class and definitely deserved all those awards and nominations it got. Everyone is brilliant in it and you should all go see it!

The Way - another great film starring Martin Sheen. Its about an American who flies to France to collect the ashes of his deceased young son who was backpacking along 'The Way' - the famous spiritual walk through the Pyrenees. I love this film! It's beautifully shot, powerful, tender, just the right amount of funny and the cast is just perfect. I genuinely believed Martin Sheens portrayal of a grief stricken father and loved his journey through that. Stunning film!

Hangover 2 - the film that follows the Hangover 1. It's about 4 guys who fly out to see their friend get married in Thailand and a hilarious drunken, drugged up bachelor party follows - the film is shown through flash backs as the foursome trek back and try and make their way to the wedding. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE FILM OF THE YEAR! It's hilarious, it reminds me of travelling, its oddly culturally spot on if not but in a tongue in cheek way!

Friends with Benefits - Good easy watch, Ashten Kutcher. The Rum Diaries - Solid but actually nothing to write home about! My Week with Marilyn - nice, plain, alright really. Contagion - lots of stars in this and it was ok, scary idea but I wasn't too bother about it. Fighter - boxing drama with Christian Bale in it...he is not attractive in anyway in this film! Rise of the Planet of the Apes - I feel no need to explain what this is about, kind of in the title there! This film kind of bored me, guess its cool if you like smart monkeys. Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol - Good but not as good as the original. Ides of March - I liked this kind of an observation on human nature and how people can be changed by what happens around them.

I have also seen Wild At Heart Season 1: the cheesy, cheesy drama soap style show about an English Vet who moves to Africa with his family and encounters many dangers that are always resolved completely and ridiculously in the last 5 minutes. Miranda series 2 - hilarious! ER Series 7-9 - heartbreaking but it has Alex Kingston in it who is River Song from Doctor Who and that makes it infinitely cool! And finally Firefly - the highly talked about Sy-fy series with Nathan Fillian in it. It's cool as.

So this all makes it sound like I never go out...I do yesterday I went bowling...I swear!

Anyway thanks for ready L. See you tomorrow for K baby :) xxxxxxxx

***BLOG OF APOLOGY*** (Nb: BT Suck)

This is a note to apologise for not being here...I feel I have failed all of you and I could not be more sorry!!!

I had no broadband for a very long time and the wi-fi at work wouldn't allow me to access my blog - OH NO! And a lot of WOE IS ME's later I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET AGAIN! Anyway I wanted to name and shame the company who has ruined my life (no exaggeration) because while I was unable to blog I was also unable to complete a YouTube challenge I was set....(view link and all subsequent videos for a little bit of extra joy in your life...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxVZy3BGIq8&feature=relmfu Let the challenges begin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrnItQcuQtM The cinnamon challenge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ5d5LHOHT8 The Cheese rap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9klTt1iXmo&feature=relmfu Friends attempting the cinnamon challenge take 2.

Anyway yes so BT was the company and let me tell you a little bit about said company: (I am using only the facts and you can make your own inferences as to what you think of them as a company):

1) Myself, my mum and my dad called BT a total of 44 times.
2) We were without Internet including wi-fi for 4 weeks and 4 days until a technological family friend came by and worked for 3 hours to fix it for us.
3) All calls to BT reached their call centres in India and all by 1 call lasted over an hour.
4) This 1 call which did not last an hour lasted only 3 minutes 52 seconds where one of BT's employees told my mum that he did not want to speak to her and that he would wait until my dad returned home and talk to him. When my mum asked if he was refusing to talk to her because she was a woman he replied. Yes and wished her a good day and ended the call. We have made a complaint.
5) BT have not responded to any one of us.
6) We do now have wi-fi on our laptops but no real movement with the Internet on our main computer.
7) Virgin Media will very shortly have a new customer and we appreciate their offer of a technician coming out to personally help us. I find local technicians more helpful because I get to see them face-to-face.
8) BT Suck arse.

Ok that's all so I shall restart my Z-A blog I believe we got to L....I realise this is technically cheating but I want to complete the challenge for my own piece of mind!

Well love you all hope there's still some of you out there to love...xxx

Tuesday 15 May 2012

M is for Mondays...

Mondays are the Enemy. I highly dislike Mondays and especially their mornings. They are extra early and rubbish and I do not like how they start the week!!!

That is all you need to know about M. The End.

Monday 14 May 2012

N is for Naughty or Nice?

This is it - this is your mid (ish) year check for how on target you are for Christmas and Santa's Naughty or Nice list. This is SERIOUS DUDES! It could be the difference between getting a brand new shiny bike or a puncture repair kit, a cute little fluffy puppy or merely a puppy poop, an ipad or an i-no-pad. So sit back and answer honestly:

ARE YOU NAUGHTY OR NICE?

1) Someone falls over and splits their trousers open to reveal penguin pants do you:
a) Laugh hysterically, maybe point a bit and generally draw attention to the hilariously unfortunate event that has befallen someone else that's not you for a change.
b) Helpfully be helpful and help said person up and cover their dignity back up with a hankie you blatantly have in your pocket.

2) There's £50 on floor do you:
a) Pick it up and spend it on many wonderful things like a bazillion penny sweets or a new guinea pig.
b) Take it to the police station and hand it in because after all it's not yours.

3) Your friend calls her babysitter has cancelled and she wants you to look after her 4 children so she can go out with her husband, they are all under the age of 6. Do you:
a) Tell her you would love to but that you are actually already looking after your sick aunt who is visiting and then sit down to an afternoon of friends DVD's, wine and home made popcorn dipping it in a pot of chocolate sauce.
b) Tell her of course that's not a problem and worry about the kids nappies and all other kids stuff that goes with it later because you are essentially a good friend.

4) There's a concert you really want to go too but its on a work day where you promised you would stay late and help out with some filing. Do you:
a) Call in sick and spend the whole day preparing for the concert with loud music, a long bath, beautifully painted nails and just generally an amazing day before heading out to see the band.
b) Go in to work help out as promised and then if theres time try and get to the concert after work which probably will not happen so head home and wait for it to come out on DVD to watch.

5) It's new years eve there's an ugly dude in the corner coming at you with mistletoe do you:
a) Push your best friend in the way just as his chappy lips come at you.
b) Close your eyes and think of England.

So which do you think you are Naughty or Nice? And do you have any other questions I could add to this? I'm loving this idea so hit me up with some more if you can think of any?

Thanks for checking back and reading again - Z-A challenge continues tomorrow with M....check back if you can! Much Love xxxx

Saturday 12 May 2012

O is for Orange Cake...



Today I am going to share a recipe with you for Orange Cake with Orange butter icing...its my favourite recipe at the moment....yummy, yum, yum!!!


Ingredients for the Cake:

- 250g Plain flour
- 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder
300g caster suger
- 125ml milk
- 125ml orange juice
- 125ml vegetable oil
- 3 beaten eggs
- 1 and a 1/2 teaspoons grated orange zest
- Orange food dye

Ingredients for the Orange Butter Icing:

- 6 tablespoons of butter
- 250g icing sugar
- 2 tablespoons of orange juice
- 1 teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
- 1 teaspoon grated orange zest

How to make: 

1. Preheat oven to 180 C.


2. Grease and flour 2 20cm round cake tins.


3. In a measuring jug combine the milk, orange juice, oil, beaten eggs and orange zest and leave to one side.


4. Sift flour, salt and bakin powder into a large bowl with food dye for an extra bright colour! Mix in the sugar. Make a well in the centre and pour in the milk mixture. Stir until thoroughly combined.


5. Divid cake mixture between the 2 prepared tins and bake in the centre of a reheated oven for 35 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean. Then allow it too cool!


6. To make Orange Butter Icing: cream the butter until smooth and gradually beat in icing sugar. Beat until light and fluffy. Beat in the orange juice to bring to a spreading consistency. Stir in vanilla and orange zest and spread over the cooled cakes!


7. Eat it all up while making 'yummy' noises while munching!

So thats the O blog - Orange cake with Orange Butter icing. You may alsobe interested to know that Orange is my favourite colour...#ExtraCrapYouNeverWantedToKnow :)

Thursday 10 May 2012

P is for the Philly...

ANSWERS FROM THE Q BLOG:
1. Ukraine, 2. True, 3. Snakes, 4. Soup, 5. Wilma, 6. Ruby, 7. Bat, 8. Poisidon, 9.Pizza, 10. Three, 11. Scooby Snacks, 12. Lulu, 13. The 70’s - 1973, 14. Maple, 15. Leather, 16. Salt, 17. Mercury, 18. Yes, 19. Barbie, 20. Kiki Dee, 21. Chromosomes, 22. 24, 23. Fozzie, 24. Dec, 25. I like Lisa but its always been H, LOVE H.
NOW ONTO THE P BLOG! Today P is for the Philly.

Now for them there people who don't know what a Philly is, it's a person. A female person to be precise. A female person with blonde hair and a big smile. I have drawn a picture for you...(it ruined the format here so I'll post it separately)...but it's exactly how she looks, right down to the t-shirt!

So why am I writing about Philly...well yesterday she was kindly taking the time to read my blog and she came out of her way to point out my many spelling mistakes and errors which just reminded me how much I, quite, like her....I'll explain further...

Philly means total honesty. I know that out of every one of my friends I can rely on her to tell me exactly where I stand, always. I like this a lot because I know the honesty comes from a good place so when I've done something rubbish even though I don't always want to hear it she is actually, probably, just trying to make me a better me!!!

Philly means always having a partner in crime. Whether it be for dinner somewhere or a movie night or even a future accomplice to the mixed spice and cinnamon sandwich challenge - she's up for it. I remember coming home from a night out once and finding a massive 20ft roll of cardboard - the kind that one gets from the inside of a roll of carpet and suggesting we might need this in our house. Of course Philly helped carry it home and though corners were harder to navigate the walkie talkie nature of the echoey tube helped speed the journey along.

Philly means laughter. She's funny. A lot! She is just the right amount of sarcastic combined with witty and muppet-like and I love it! She introduced me to the term ‘food baby’ - when you are so full its like a baby of food is inside your tummy - maybe that didn’t need an explanation because I feel like I just killed it. Ah well!

Philly means educational. As I said before she likes to comment on grammar etc and she reads a lot and seems to know a crazy amount about everything. I don't tell her this but I do learn a lot from her, she likes to use big words too and she once taught me how to spell the word umbrella. We can joke about this now right?

Philly means super. Super in the Comic book super hero way. This is especially good because with all the Marvel movies that have been coming out the last few years I get to learn more about the characters, their back stories and even more, so its not a bore (that’s another one in the bag!)

Philly means dare devil. (This links in with the partner in crime one). One time my housemates and I were discussing what to do on a boring afternoon and we came up with stair sledging - Philly volunteered and a near death experience later we knew that trying to slide down a set of stairs in our house wearing only 2 belts and a cycle helmet leads to the opposite of boring!

Philly means loveable. I don’t know what it is about her but she is a rather cute little thing and people cannot help but love her. She’s sweet and oddly charming! People just end up staring at her with a sort of love look.

Philly means Confident and Successful. She has a masters degree and a good job and I think is a good role model for me in these ways. Plus she’s confident in a lot of ways and I’m proud of her for everything she has done. She hates the soppy stuff so that’s enough of that…she’s also a confident dancer and can ‘bump and grind’ with the best of them. Including Ted.

Philly means big hearted and kind. There are too many examples to list but the most recent was arranging some flowers to be sent to my mum from all my friends when she was ill and just last week listening to me when I had a bad day.

Philly means Philly. And I like that.

That’s all for today but let me leave you with the thought, who’s the Philly in your group? Is there someone this awesome in your circle of friends?

P.S I also like that Philly occasionally makes a delightful sound when she laughs and is THE original crotch hand.

Q is for Quizzes...

This is my Quick Quintessential Quiz: I truly enjoy a good quiz. Pub Quizzes especially but I also enjoy the quick question quizzes and that's exactly what we are going to do here....lets see how you do!

(Answers will be given at the start of tomorrows blog!)

LET'S GET QUIZZICAL :)


1. Kiev is the capital of which Country?
2. Do most Eskimo's still use fridges?
3. What did St Patrick rid Ireland of according to Legend?
4. In food what is Chowder?
5. Fred Flintstone is married to who?
6. What is the birthstone for July?
7. Which is the only mammal capable of sustained flight?
8. Who is the Greek God of the Sea?
9. What item of food inspired the idea for the computer game pac-man - was it Pizza, Watermelon or Cake?
10. How many verses make up the national Anthem 'God Save The Queen?'
11. What is Scooby Doo's favourite food?
12. In 1993 Take That had a No. 1 single with 'Relight My Fire' but who sang with them on this track?
13. In what decade was VAT introduced into the UK?
14. The leaf from which tree is on the Canadian national flag?
15. What is prepared in a tannery?
16. What do Sumo wrestlers throw into the ring prior to a match?
17. What is the only common metal that is liquid at room temperature?
18. Can Polar Bears Jump?
19. Which children's toy provided Aqua with a number 1 hit?
20. Which female vocalist had a duet with Elton John on the HIT single 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart?
21. In the human body, what are you born with 23 pairs of?
22. How many carats is pure gold?
23. What's the name of the bear in the muppet show?
24. Who is older Ant or Dec?
25. True of False: Lisa from the English band Steps was my favourite?


So how did you find it? Easy? Hard? Can you give me any quick quiz questions, I'd love to try some!!! xxxx

Wednesday 9 May 2012

R is for Roast Dinners!


Oh yes it is yum yum yum!

Is there anything better than a Roast Dinner on a Sunday, I mean really? Whether it be Roast Chicken, Roast Pork, Roast Duck, Roast Beef or even Roast Turkey at Christmas. I love them all! What about you? Do you have a favourite?

I think everyone thinks their mums roast dinner is probably THE best and I am no different really - my mum has perfected her mums recipe and I adore it! It is the Xmas Roast Turkey that is particularly splendid - served with cranberry sauce, stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, sweet potato mash, roast potato's cooked in goats fat, roasted parsnips, roast carrots, peas, bacon, sausages, those devils on horseback which I guess are just more sausage rapped in bacon...and topped off with gravy!!! DELICIOUS!!!

I believe that Roast dinners are also splendid because they usually combine a family time or some form of celebration like Xmas or thanksgiving. Perhaps roast dinners are even nicer because of their association with these celebrations and generally happy times. I feel more smiley and happy just thinking about them!

Well that's all for today - the main reason for this R = Roast blog was because I had this FANTASTIC IDEA. I was thinking about Postmen and the idea occurred to me that Postmen don't work Sundays and that Sundays are generally Roast days. So what if on a Sunday Postmen became Roast Men....it's a killer idea right? What do you think?

Thanks for reading my bloglet again anyway! Have a good day xxxx

Tuesday 8 May 2012

S is for S CLUB 7!!!


"S Club Party" Lyrics:

S Club
Gettin' down tonight, a come on, yeah
Gettin' down tonight, uh huh, everybody
Get down tonight

S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna show you how (everybody get down tonight)
S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (shake your body from side to side)

Finally Friday night
Feelin' kinda good, lookin' alright
Gotta get movin', can't be late
Gotta get groovin', just can't wait (ho!)
Get the feeling (get the feeling)
Push the ceiling (push the ceiling)
Player hater (player hater)
Get ready everybody 'cos here we go!

S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna show you how (everybody get down tonight)
S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (shake your body from side to side)

O-oh O-oh! Throw your hands in the air
O-oh O-oh! Like you just don't care
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over here
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over there

Tina's doing her dance
Jon's looking for romance
Paul's getting down on the floor
While Hannah's screaming out for more (ooh hoo!)
Wanna see Bradley swing
Wanna see Rachel do her thing
Then we got Jo, she's got the flow
Get ready everybody 'cos here we go!

S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna show you how (everybody get down tonight)
S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (shake your body from side to side)

O-oh O-oh! Throw your hands in the air
O-oh O-oh! Like you just don't care
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over here
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over there
O-oh O-oh! Throw your hands in the air
O-oh O-oh! Like you just don't care
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over here
O-oh O-oh! There's a party over there

Ghetto boys, make some noise!
Hoochie mamas, show your nanas!

S Club (there ain't no party like an S Club party)
Gonna show you how (everybody get down tonight)

So S CLUB 7 - or should I say S Club AWESOME!!!
After the Spice Girls broke up I have to say I was probably a little bit of a lost soul but then there was S club 7. They were AWESOME for several reasons: 1) Their songs were so upbeat and catchy 2) I loved Bradley 3) They had their own tv shows...they weren't fantastic but they were ok! 4) There was a Hannah in the band! And thats MY name a wahoo! 5) They had a movie with clones in it for crying out loud!!! 6) Whenever 'Reach' comes on anywhere I always, I repeat ALWAYS dance!!!!
So that's my S...perhaps a little simple today but I feel better for sharing my S club love with you all. I know they are mainly a UK band but for those of you who aren't from the UK check out some of their songs especially 'Reach', 'You're my number 1', 'You', 'Natural' and 'Don't stop moving!'

Thanks again for reading! Much love! xxx
NB. S club Juniors are not the same. S club Juniors are not a band I am a fan of and I want their to be no mistake that S club 7 rock but S club Juniors do not.

Monday 7 May 2012

T is for Tiffin...no it's not it's for Trolley rage...

...for a second there I actually considered putting up my mums secret Tiffin recipe! We like to think of her Tiffin as tiny drops of heaven because they are super yummy! Anyway to quote Peter Andre, that would have been Insania! The magic is in the way she makes the tiffin. Enough chitchat though today it is serious. Today the T blog is dedicated to TROLLEY RAGE: Investigated!
Trolley rage is a seriously serious business and I wanted to take the time to talk you all seriously about it.

Trolley rage is defined, by me, as the extroverted over confident power surges one gets when behind the handle bars of a shopping trolley.

Now consider this my friends - a trolley weighs around 20kg...apparently, though how someone actually found this out I do wonder...anyway that's 20kg of metal metalness...its dangerous! Its bad enough when you are shopping and ones trolley gets a little carried away and veers off like it has a mind of its own - occasionally bumping into things with a gentle oopsey daisies but what if said trolley were to crash violently into another human being at speed? OH NO I hear you exclaim! Oh no would be correct - if a 20kg metal shopping trolley smashed into someone well surely it would be just hideous!

Sometimes I find things hard to imagine - I am very much a 'seeing is believing' kind of person so let me share a story with you that will bring 'trolley rage' to the centre point of your mind so you are able to fully appreciate the severity of the situation:

One rainy April day but a few years past, a young man was trawling the car park for a parking spot, rain was lashing down on his wind screen as he sang merrily to the tunes on his radio. Suddenly a large Volvo began exiting a space in the very next row! Our young man spotted this with his beady little eyes and raced around to where the spot was, slipping into it smoothly as the Volvo exited. Another car flashed the young man and he waved assuming it was a friend behind the steering wheel but the rain made it hard to see. He ran inside the large supermarket and grabbed a basket to begin his quaint little shop for hummous and other nice things. 

Outside a middle aged lady with middle aged spread was fuming. The young man had mistaken her for a friend and she was most definitely not that now. You see he had spotted the space and been blinkered by his 'good fortune' missing completely the lady sat in her car slightly further up the parking isle waiting for the Volvo's spot. She had been waiting and trawling the car park for 35 minutes now and could not believe the arrogance of some people - he had even waved at her in a sarcastic manner she thought. 

Back inside our young man was prancing around the isles happy as larry, whoever larry is. He didn't have a care in the world. But then why would he? He didn't know what horror awaited him as he turned into the frozen pea isle.

Our middle age lady comes back in here. She had, eventually, found another space but as she walked in a delivery van had splashed her so she was soaking wet, dishevelled and furious (not the best combination). She grabbed a trolley and threw her handbag into it aggressively grabbing items off the shelf which matched her systematically written shopping list. She reached the frozen pea isle at the right time turning into it from the bottom she spotted him.

Our young man turned in at the top practically prancing around after finding some mackerel pate on sale. He truly was impressed by himself today! He stopped in the centre taking in all the emerald green bags of peas glistening with icicles - what a magical shopping trip this had turned out to be. SMASH!!!!!!

The middle aged lady had lost it. Standing there behind the handle bars she spotted him. She spotted the smug, in her eyes, arrogant boy who had cut her up and taken her space leaving her to become this bedraggled mess. She saw red. She straightened her nearly full trolley in his direction and she ran. She ran at him. The length of the isle allowed her to gain considerable speed and SMASH!!!!!

They collided. The young man was thrown backwards his leg run over and trampled on first by the trolley and then for extra measure by the old lady. 


I don't think I need to say anymore really. The young man was carried off in an ambulance with broken ribs and a fractured ankle. The old lady...well the old was never found. Was she humiliated by the 'trolley rage' which over took her in those few seconds leaving her to run off and hid for the rest of her days or was she immensely proud of her achievement. She had put the young man in his place, proving that she was not to be messed with. Perhaps she is still out there...seeking revenge on those who have wronged her giving out some kind of deluded vigilante justice....who knows??? But be careful out there because although this lady was only one person she is also a metaphor for what can happen when 'trolley rage' descends.

Thanks for reading my T blog. I hope it helps you out there :)


Please note: Alcohol, drugs, PMT, bad hair days, lack of breakfast and any form of argument prior to the use of a trolley could be deadly dangerous and I would not advise taking the risk. On these occasions on line shopping was made for you! Also driving a trolley while on a mobile phone is highly frowned upon by my frowny face so consider that when you next take the risk.

Many thanks and remember: 'Happy trolleys are pushed by Happy people' ;) 

Saturday 5 May 2012

U is for Ugly Monkey.



Ugly Monkey aka Uggers Muggers.

This is Ugly Monkey. As you can tell he is a monkey and he is rather ugly. But do not despair because he is very well loved.
I wanted to introduce Ugly Monkey more to the world and felt that this blog was a perfect platform so please sit comfortably and let me tell you Ugly’s story from the semi-beginning:
During my second year of University one of my housemates came in from a visit to town and brought with her a huge selection of used childrens toys. Now as University students you can imagine we were utterly thrilled and excited by these findings and not just because it was a welcome distraction from our essay writing and casual afternoon drinking. Said housemate Becky had brought back many a wonder including one of those children’s play kitchens complete with plastic food and cups. Inside the play kitchens oven we first laid eyes on Ugly. Somewhat dirtier than he is now we plucked him from the imaginary inferno that was the kids oven and were stunned to silence by his grotesceness – everything from his facial expression which cried out mentally insane monkey to the lose thread on his outty belly button which looked like a belly button hair. He made me gag he was so ugly! Nevertheless said housemate Becky threw him in the washing machine with a few t-towels that were possibly as disgusting as him and made him slightly more barable – he was clean at least and pre the kids oven he could have been anywhere. We, on the most part, came to appreciate Ugly’s uniqueness...we took him for the cheeky monkey that he is and looked past the ugly. I would even say he became one of us...just uglier. Several days later we were dealt another blow when we found out that said housemate Becky had ‘found’ all of our new toys, including Ugly, in a skip....the find was less treasured from then on...but Ugly stayed.
I should note that there were teething problems with that Grovermauve woman who writes the Inane ramblings blog but even she has grown to appreciate something in the little devil that is Ugly!
Since that glorious first meeting Ugly has really shown himself to be a loyal companion – well travelled he boasts visits to Rhodes, Portugal, Australia, Poland, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Malyasia, Singapore, Indonesia, Ireland and several UK spots in his short 5 year bout with us.
Ugly comes out for all our birthdays, Christmas, Easter and New Year and has never said no to a party yet! I think his wild animal days are taking their toll though as during my third year at University Ugly went through a hippy phase and had extra hair which is now all, thankful, gone and he has a armpit tear from swinging around trees, hands and anything else we can get his looped arm around.
He is still going though and is on facebook so if you read this please go and add him! He talks to anyone and everyone and is super friendly – go see how ugly he really is! Go talk to him about anything – some conversation starters for you – 1) Anything about Bananas. 2) The Monkees music – he knows all their songs! Please avoid anything to do with George Clooney because he hates him and actually blames George for his ugliness. You see Ugly Monkey believes George Clooney is so beautiful and hansom because he stole Ugly’s own attractiveness leaving him like a mouldy piece of bread compared to the eye candy that is George.
Anyway that was U. Ugly thanks you and I congratulate you. You are all truly amazing to have finished reading this and looked past the ‘ugly’(especially the belly button hair) to the heart. Uggers Muggers thanks you again!
Good day to you all xxxx

V is for very helpful me...

...is that technically a cop out?
NB: Disclaimer. The house in which I occupy had major broadband issues and that is why this blog is 2 whole days late. I am upset and disappointed with myself but I hope that you can forgive me for letting you all, and myself, down in such a terrible way!
No. Basically I was thinking of things to do for V today and there were too many so I have taken it upon myself to help you with your V’s for your next scrabble game...I often get V’s and struggle to find an awesome V word. Here are my top 20 V words and their meanings:
Vamoose: (has the word Moose in which makes it excellent) means to leave hurriedly. Apparently comes from the latin 'to go'.
Velocipede: This is a tricycle or any early years bike which has pedals on the front wheel. I used to LOVE my velocipede. I would whiz round the garden as fast as my chubby legs would go. Good times!
Valise: A small piece of hand luggage. I would say flying with RYAN AIR allows you one small piece of hand luggage. I would also say that some muppets out there take the mickey with this rule and bring on giant bags which, without going into the whole story, ruin my day! RESPECT THE RULES YOU PLEB HEADS! Valise SMALL piece of luggage!
Venom: A poisonous secretion of an animal, such as a snake, spider, or scorpion, usually transmitted by a bite or sting. I saw a funnel web spider venom extraction show when I was in Australia travelling. They are fiesty little spiders but it was fascinating to see someone actually 'milking' a spider for its venom!
Viol: Any of a family of stringed instruments, chiefly of the 16th and 17th centuries, having a fretted fingerboard, usually six strings, and a flat back and played with a curved bow. I just like this word.
Voracious: Consuming or eager to consume great amounts of food. It's like ravenous but a cooler word. Apparently it comes from the Latin 'to swallow' again - Latin is so useful!
Vagabond A person without a permanent home who moves from place to place. Also known as a tramp. Vagabond is again a wey better word than tramp (no offence to the person who invented the word tramp!)
Varmint: One that is considered undesirable, obnoxious, or troublesome - V is giving me some excellent insults for future occasions. I teach at an all boys school and some of them can be Varmints.
Venal: Capable of betraying honor, duty, or scruples for a price. So accepting a bribe - while I was visiting Vietnam last year I met someone who was venal while in an airport. Remind me to tell you that story again later! Mad times!
Vellum: A fine parchment made from calfskin, lambskin, or kidskin and used for the pages and binding of books. Interesting word that I didnt know before today :)
Voile: A light, plain-weave, sheer fabric of cotton, rayon, silk, or wool used especially for making dresses and curtains. This one is good because I enjoy saying it and I enjoy watching my face when I say it. Quality.
Vroom: Obvious one - the sound speed makes on a broomstick, in a car, on a bike, occassionally from a child or myself when I am feeling particularly speedy!
Vouch: To give personal assurances; give a guarantee. For example I vouch never to let broadband ruin my daily blog again! I will get this up online!
Vivacious: full of animation and spirit, very lively and well yea vivacious....this is also an enjoyable word to say and I like it when people say I am vivacious. I think its only happened once but still!
Votive: Expressing or symbolizing a wish, desire, or vow - I will make a votive pledge to you now that I will learn how to do an amazing robot dance and I will put it on youtube for you all to bask in its glory!
Vodka: Alcohol. 'Nuff said.
Vociferous: Making, given to, or marked by noisy and vehement outcry, blatantly boistrous or offensively loud. I imagine a house full of students singing 'Eye of the Tiger' at 1am with the windows of their house open would be considered Vociferous. What do you think?
Voluptuous: Giving, characterized by, or suggesting ample, unrestrained pleasure to the senses. Coffee for me is voluptuous I think - yummy, smells good, makes me feel psychologically good, warm in the mug in my hands etc...I love Coffee.
Vortex: A  spiral motion of fluid within a limited area, especially a whirling mass of water or air that sucks everything near it toward its center. Great word and vortex is used all over the place including in an awesome show called Sanctuary...watch it if you havent already!
Voyeux: An obsessive observer of sordid or sensational subjects. This one is cool because it comes from the old french which translates to 'one who lies in wait' - it sounds so sinister - to be fair it probably is a bit....maybe a tad to risque for scrabble...
So this was my V blog. I hope you have learnt something new today I have learnt several new words my favourite being V...what’s your favourite? And can you enlighten me on any other delightful V words?

Thursday 3 May 2012

W is for Whippy Ice cream…

...do you remember it…I do, I’m salivating right now. Maybe that’s a bit too much for me to share but I am. They were yummy vanilla/cream/yum ice creams swirled into a big swirl in your cone with a yummy Cadbury flake stuck in to add architectural beauty, contrasting colours and general all round YUM!!!!

I used to love the sound of that ice cream van chime - I can’t write out how it sounds because there are no words but it meant magic was coming…and it was second only to the Coca cola advert at Xmas for the bringing of said magic. It meant joy and happiness was but a hop, skip and a jump away. It meant, Mr Whippy, the first man I ever truly loved was coming around again! Yes I am still talking about the ice cream!

Whenever I think about a Mr Whippy I regress back to the days of skipping ropes and my little ponies, where I was close personal friends with Tom and Jerry and where my mum still cut my fringe by putting a bowl on my head, it was even a PRE Girl Power era. I think I idealise that chapter of my life, except the lack of Spice Girls, because things were simplier, no job, no car insurance, £10 a month was enough to live on very happily and you could actually go round the corner and ‘knock‘ for your friends to come out and play rather than having them live far North…as far North as Warwick!

What a very nostalgic blog I have begun today but you see the thing about that is…Mr Whippy is simple. Mr Whippy is yummy and Mr Whippy was only 99p. That’s another thing - you called them a 99 originally because of their price but it caught on and now when I run after the Ice cream van chime pushing small chubby kids aside so I can be at the front to relive the magic I ask for a 99 but it costs me £1.99...that. Is. Scandalous!

What do you think of Mr Whippy? Do you have Mr Whippy? Have you even heard of a Mr Whippy? Is there a Mrs Whippy?

Wednesday 2 May 2012

X is for X-FACCCCTOR!





The X-factor is defined as: A British Primetime Television series where vocal acts perform against each other for their celebrity judges in a competition to beat off their opponents through live rounds. It is also defined as the indefinable – its that ‘je ne sais quoi’, the something extra, the something special someone has that makes them a popSTAR.
The X-factor is Simon Cowells baby. You know Simon Cowel he’s the obscenely rich guy with the high waisted trousers and a rather square looking head...yea you know who I mean now. Excellent. So its his baby – he coined the term and named his show after this uniqueness, this star quality and recently he has taken it to America...I’m curious, any Americans out there watch it? Is it good?
For the purpose of this blog I am focusing on the British X-Factor which IS still pretty good for something thats been going 8 seasons! ‘X-factor’ always begins with the audition shows followed by the bootcamp (aka get rid of the crap and make it more serious) to the Judges Houses (check out Simon Cowells right hand man...lady Sinittas outfits...) to the live shows and the LIVE FINAL.

The auditions are designed to draw you in with their hilariously bad and awesomely good acts, they also throw in several dozen sob stories to try and draw you in more but truth be told its the deluded tone deaf sometimes eccentric always quality acts that I turn on for...if they ‘think’ they can dance that’s generally a good sign too! So here’s my top 5 X-factor memories:
Number 1: Ruth Lorenzo. Ruth won me with one song in the live shows. Purple rain and I cant express it so here is a youtube clip. A show stopping, jaw dropping, goosebump enducing, fantasmic performance from the 2008 X-factor...I think it was season 3 or 4?
Number 2: Beula. From series 1. Beula was not as memorable for her audition but more for what followed. She was bad. Really bad but in a time when everyone but Simon Cowell was trying to be tackful or polite Louis Walsh said he liked her. I believe this was to soften the blow but Simon Cowell took this to mean Louis could work with her and gave Beula Louis’s personal number. Beula then called Louis with a ‘Helow Louis its Beula’ and Louis had to try and get her off the phone while she attempted to ask for a date and talk over him. Hilarity ensued. So thank you Beula. Thank you for the laughter.
Number 3: Olly Murs. This needs no explanation. Olly is a cheeky chappy Essex Boy who was a runner up in the 6th season of the UK X-Factor and had a real Robbie Williams meets Justin Timberlake Vibe which I loved. He is also the only one of my top 5 to have had any top 10 hits and effectively ‘made it’ in todays market.
Number 4: Stacey Solomon. Google her. A finalist in 2009. She has since been Queen of the Jungle in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here and I just LOVED the way she talked – she possibly may have been seen to come across as rather simple but when she sang she, for me, just transformed into something so special. Plus she seems a true, genuinely, lovely person.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=pPoyh39vkvw&NR=1
Number 5: Penelope from Barcelona. I am unsure if you will find her on youtube or anywhere other than the X-factor DVD from series 1 but Penelope was CLASS. She made it through the first auditions but possible not for the right reasons. Penelope had a rather strong Spanish accent and chose to sing ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ which came out ‘Some-bear ober da rainbowwww’ and subsequently left all 3 original judges laughing so hard that Simon had to leave and Sharon wet herself....literally. On the other side of the television it left me struggling to breath from actual ROFL’ing (Rolling on the floor laughing!) Where ever you are Penelope I thank you.
Well thats my top 5 X-factor People – I would like to add a special mention to One Direction who despite their Beiber looks are my guilty pleasure, to Eton Road whos lead singer looked like Liza Minnelli but HE worked that look, to Wagbo...no further comment, and to Chico because at some point there will always be a CHICO TIME!

I could continue to babble on about the dramas that always occur the fights between the judges – the fights between the contestants, the sacking of everyone and anyone, the staging, the lights, the beautiful judges houses, the dramatic pauses, the dramatic back music but really the show is about finding talent and so far they’ve done alright!
Who was your favourite act? Have you ever auditioned? I’d LOVE to hear your stories or your memories so please let me know if you think of anything otherwise. Goodnight angels and thanks for reading X for X-factor!
xxxxxxx

P.S. The guy who announces the acts names every week is blooming EPIC and I want to say I love him. Phew thank god its out there in the world now :)

Tuesday 1 May 2012

Y is for Yo-yo...yes it is!

Yea you know it baby! So cool that they named it twice!
Now I guess I should first explain to you what a Yo-yo actually is for those of you who have never known the wonder of the yo-yo (but really where have you been if this is the case). During my school days the yo-yo phase came round twice it was so ridiculously cool!

Basically a yo-yo is an object consisting of an axle connected to two discs with a length of string looped around the axle – they come in all shapes, colours and sizes but they are always amazing – and usually they fit in the palm of your hand so maybe they don’t come in all sizes and really they are mostly round so they don’t come in many shapes either....hmm.
HOW TO PLAY WITH IT:
To play with a yo-yo you loop the end of the string round your finger and wind the yo-yo up then in a floppy hand gesture of a way you let the yo-yo flop out of your hand and gravity unwinds it sending the axle and 2 discs into a spin. The yo-yo spins out of your hand down the string and at the bottom spins back up winding itself back up into your hand. This is known, originally, as yo-yoing or for the young ‘gangsta’s’ among you ‘flinging’.
ADVANCED PLAY:
Once you have mastered ‘flinging’ – no I’m not cool enough to say that yet – once you have mastered basic yo-yoing you can move on to more exciting tricks. A kin to a BMX bike jumping over mounds of mud, a synchronised swimmer or even an Olympic skier you too can make yo-yoing look that good.
Enter sleeping – this is where you make the yo-yo spin at the bottom of your string for a time instead of it winding right back up into your hand. For me I used to flick it hard and fast out of my hand and it nearly always worked – though it did flick back up into my hand quite hard so be careful.
Once sleeping is mastered you can try ‘walk-the-dog’ – get your yo-yo to sleep and then run it along the ground before it winds back up – it looks like you’re walking a dog...except the dog is a yo-yo that pings back up to you....good stuff.  
‘Around the World’ – basically a trick where you throw the yo-yo out and then into the air and loop it around you like a UFO orbiting the earth - its super awesome! 
 
So do you know any other tricks? Let me know? I'm thinking of taking up the yo-yo again...phase 3 of yo-yo Hannah is coming! Also...
THE CHAMPIONSHIPS:
For those of you brave enough to take this further you can even enter competitions like the European Championship or the International Yo-yo Open in New York. All you need to do is master the compulsory tricks and prepare a freestyle section and you too could be a Yo-yo master.
Ok Y is done....hope it was ok! Tomorrow I'll try and be funny...xxxx

Monday 30 April 2012

Z is for Zzzzz’s...specifically catching some.

The Urban Dictionary defines the phrases ‘Catching some Zzz’s’ as trying to get some sleep.

Cartoons like Snoopy often have him pictured lying down on his little dog house with a few Zzz’s drifting off into the sky. But why Zzz’s? Seriously why? I can hand on heart say I have never once, anywhere in the world, seen anyone actually breathe out a Z or even make a Z sound so where has this come from???


Seriously where do those Zzz's come from!?!?!?!? Honestly I haven’t – I have heard of people farting in their sleep, I’ve heard people screaming and crying and laughing in their sleep, I have even had full on conversations with a sleeping person but never once did I see a Z. This intrigued me and so for the purpose of this Z blog I have sought out the answer for you...
Apparently back in the day (specifically 1800’s ish) there was an older phrase ‘Logging Zzz’s’ which came from the sound of ‘sawing logs’ and which was then associated with people who snored badly as a derogatory term. This was then used by cartoonists like Charles M Schulz, in Snoopy to show them snoring or just generally sleeping but soon it became the universal symbol for snoring...I think that’s quite cool really! But then I’ve always liked snoopy.
As far as the ‘Catching some Zz’s’ obviously that is metaphorical and you do not prance around with a butterfly net trying to actually trap the letter Z....that would be weird...(INSERT VISION OF ME RUNNING AROUND THE GARDEN) the catching part is a more ‘gangsta’ way of saying I am off for a nap...the fresh prince said it one time!

For those of you who don’t know me you will not know of my secret quest to become more ‘gangsta’ – ‘gangsta’ in the ‘wey cool’ sense not in the Bugsy Malone way – and so from now on ‘Going for a nap’ or ‘Off to bed’ are phrases that are dead to me. From now on I will always be ‘Catching some Zzz’s!’
 (Also I snore so it seems an appropriate phrase as well as being cool!)      

Right well that was my Z and the first instalment of Burkeys backwards Blogging - hope it was ok:)


Z-A: A little bit Backwards!

Today is a special blogger day in this A-Z Blogger challenge thats been going on...


http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html


...basically I didn't hop on the bandwagon when I had the chance and felt like I was really missing out because there has been some wicked ones out there -great job to everyone out there especially:


http://www.grovermauve.blogspot.co.uk/

http://fairy-lel.blogspot.co.uk/


 - so by the time you challengers all post your final Z blog today I will be posting the first in a series of Z-A blogs - same rules apply I'm just going to be doing it backwards :)

Tuesday 6 March 2012

Grovermauve Fan Club.

Re: the previous bloglet.

Fan Club Details.

Join the Burkester and two other exclusive fan club members everyweek on the live forum: http://www.welikethegroveralot.com/yeawedo/free-grover-eyebrows.htm

We discuss everything from eyebrows to Latin. Lets go!

10 Glorious Grover Greats.

See the thing about that is...

...I don't really think that's a good title, oh how pants...what I was trying to express in a matter of three alliterated words was the top 10 great things that Grover, of Grovermauve Bloglets, is or has! 

You see world of bloggers, tweeters, facebooking, linked in, myspace, and any other social networking hot rods that I have missed out who happen to be reading this, Grover, of Grovermauve Bloglets, is a friend of mine, and once prompted by moi, recently wrote a fantastic bloglet about 10 Wonderful things about Hannah. Hannah is me, aka Burkester for those of you following my early Blogletting experiences. I don't want to say I started this whole Blog because I felt I should return the favour but basically I started this whole Blog because I felt I should return the favour.

Disclaimer: These are my personal top 10 Glorious Grover Greats. I am not saying they are great for everyone or that the opinions or comments made are any reflection on anyone else's lesser greatnesses because lets face it we can't all be as splendid as Grover for she is splendid for splendid sake.

1) Grover is unspoilt by the World.
I have said this time and time again but it is still true! Grover is unspoilt by the World, a little less true since she met the Muffins of Zoolane but still fairly true nevertheless. The thing about Grover is she has this incredible ability to enjoy, appreciate and take pleasure in anything that is around and despite all the horrible things that happen in the world, all the bitching and back biting, all the politics, the hate and pretentiousness somehow she is immune to it. The Grover never bitches, she never seems stressed or angry - in fact I think I can only count 2 events in our lives where I have ever seen anything even remotely like a 'grump'. The first involving a Philly and a near death situation at a pond which anyone would have been slightly tense about and the second involving an Ugly Monkey. Quite frankly the aforementioned Ugly Monkey was making a huge imposition of himself and therefore this too is an understandably, understandable reaction. Still how many people do you know that are good to the core when not around ponds or unattractive monkeys?

2) Grover's Family of Groves'es.
Leading off from the first great thing really...once you meet the Groves'es you understand how the Grover is as unspoilt and delightful as she is. They are such a perfect little family - to paint the picture if you were to have a film called 'Meet the Groves'es' which ran with the same premise of the film 'Meet the Parents/Fockers' though there would be no dad who strapped you up to a lie detector machine, no crazy cat, no garden fires (though the Groves'es do have a fire bowl), no roof top climbing what you would see is lots of smiles....they smile a lot the Groves'es its lovely really because you get that genuinely warm fuzzy feeling when you're around them. Its like when you've just had a really good bath and you're all warm and fuzzy, its great. PLUS Mr G offers alcohol at ever possibility in between playing singstar/rockband with you, Mrs G makes you so welcome and she does the yummiest food and in a psychic, I know when you need it, way THE BEST Coffee, Mini-Groves is a bundle of.....something....she's like a kitten and a puppy rolled into one - excitable and cute and with more excitableness thrown in, Jakey the Rabbit is just the cherry on the cake - never has there been more tweets about one gorgeous bunnies poo EVER! (The bunny being gorgeous not the poo!) And the Grover completes the set which makes her infinitely great.   

3) Grover Knows Stuff.
Lots of Stuff! Not necessarily stuff that would change your life by knowing it but somehow her knowing it makes me quite happy and not just for the use of her brain in pub Quizzes. Quite frankly she is a sponge (not as in the sponge with the candle sticking out of it in the Hanalogy...boat, limpet...you know the one), but a useful sponge - sometimes she can even answer questions that are on University Challenge...I know right, whoaaa! She did Latin and Greek at university and no lie right but basically I think she would have me believe that all words come from the Latin or the Greek...I definitely haven't found a word yet that she cant explain better to me. Like, right you think you know what something means....Hannah for example - its a name right? WRONG! Its not just a name its a palindrome, and a palindrome is a word which can be spelt the same backwards and forwards, (you are all so blatantly jealous of my super cool name right now!) - of course Palin = back/again in Greek and Dromos = running....Grover taught me that. Game. Set. Point.

4) Grover is Highly Intelligent.
I realise this is kind of a cop out as it links into the above point but I had to mention it separately because it is a different kind of intelligent. Grover is the one person on this earth who can generally....normally follow my trail of thought/speak...I can explain to her in an 3 minute ad break between one show and the start of a desperate housewives episode the entire 6 previous series including the crazy time jump forwards part what has happened to every single character in the entire course of the show and she then seems happy to watch the episode feeling, clearly caught up....at least she is intelligent enough to not ask more questions in case I give her more horrifically long answers.

5) LEGO.
The Grover enjoyed Lego. That is all.

6) Grover pursued me.
Ha ha this is one of my favourites. I, as has been said before, don't really remember the first time I met many of my friends. To me they have always been there because they are always there and I love them for their continual love and support. Grover, however, does remember the first time. It was in Freshers week at University and we were upstairs in the bar and I thought I was going to a pub quiz when it turned out I was at a 'special meeting'. Upon realising this was no pub quiz I swiftly and loudly exited. Grover then pursued me and somewhere along the way slipped into the friend zone. I barely even saw her coming the wiley little munchkin!

7) Re the above. Grover remembers EVERYTHING.
You need a showtune, a band name, a book title from your childhood, a childrens tv show, an actor, a songtitle, a theme tune or any length or variety and Grover will be there. She is the one who is always able to answer any Question which starts with the words 'Oh what was the one....'. Grover knows. Grovers ace.

8) The Grovermauve Story.
In celebration of Grovers' brilliance came the Grovertron story and thus the creation of the word Grovermauve. For those of you who don't know Grovermauve is the new colour of bad. I don't I need to say any more.

9) Grover makes funny things #LOLWall funny (#LOLWall = super hilariously funny, so funny that you should make a wall of LOL in your house out of epilepsy fit inducing fairy lights. Word).
Sometimes when I think something is funny I will say it to Grover usually via text (as she hates me a little and mutes me on Skype so we cant talk...ever) and the Grover always replies something hilarious. Take for example one afternoon last November:
Me: 'I am so excited about seeing you at new year...want to stay the night before?' (this is in a strictly platonic way...just cos some of you out there might actually not know Grover or I and I want this to be clear...I would never come between her and Philly.)
Grover: '...yes are you sure I will not be too much of a hassle.'
Me: 'You are a bit of a hassle...remember that time you were all thirsty and kept asking my mum for water.'
Grover: 'I know! And I kept requesting she bring it in a shot glass just so she had to keep going back to the kitchen.'
Me: 'I think it was the oi biatch comment she objected to most.'
Grover: 'Yea...she didn't seem to appreciate that...maybe I should have stopped calling her that after an hour or so.'
Oh now I have read that in black and white it doesn't seem as funny...no I just read it again on my phone and it is funny. I think its funny because I can hear Grovers voice saying it. I like Grovers voice.

10) And finally Grover's Eyebrows.
You knew it was coming didn't you. There was no way they could escape the Glorious Grover Greats without mentioning the Eyebrows. I cant tell you why they are great but if you ever see them I challenge you not to declare 'Oh my lord look at those splendid eyebrows...' I challenge you!  

I can't believe that's 10 already...I realise that was a lot of babble but I hope you feel more enlightened on the wonders of the Grover. I feel enlightened and I could write several more qualities of greatness but I see how long this looks and I think I should just sign off with a: G'day folks!

Burkester xxxx

P.S. I am sure you each have your own, please feel free to write about them because otherwise how will we know if you keep them to yourself! 

P.P.S Grover introduced me to the drinking game G'day Bruce. Class.